Welcome Home ~ Grocery Shopping

You would think that once Marine was back on U.S. soil that things would just magically fall back into place and we would carry on as if he hadn't been gone 7 months.

Wrong (Well to an extent).

Emotionally, I was surprised how easy and natural it was to have him home. There was no awkwardness --- something after reading several articles I was prepared for.

Some said that it would take time to reacquaint yourselves and that at first intimacy may be missing or awkward.

Yeah we didn't have that problem!

As far as me and Marine being a couple we were fine.

Sure there was some readjustment but nothing like I had feared.

Today I read an article by an Air Force Wife over on Spouse Buzz titled Reintegration Fail. She tells about her first shopping trip with her husband and mentions his eager "eat whatever this is or starve" attitude.

The article made me smile as I recalled mine and Marine's first grocery shopping trip which was very similar to hers.

We entered the Super Wal-Mart with just a few items on my grocery list. You know the basics for lunch and diner.


We approach the deli and I reach for my normal pack of Honey Baked ham. Marine is standing starstruck by the choices. He reaches for a pack of turkey and roast beef.

I gently tell him for just the two of us we don't need 3 sandwich meats. He pauses and puts the roast beef back and placing the turkey in the buggy.

The chip aisle presents an overwhelming new world of possibilities.

"Look at all the different kinds of Doritos!" He exclaims.  " Are these new? I don't remember seeing this kind before....."

Before I can respond he's moved on down the aisle. "Pita chips! These look good. We gotta get these."

In the buggy they go. Along with a bag of Santeria Tortilla Chips because god forbid we go without them.

Each aisle was an adventure as he remembers the foods he has gone months without.

More and more is added to the buggy and my meager list has been all but forgotten.

I remind him that he's only home for 2 weeks and there is no way I'll eat all this by myself. He hears my protests and guarantees though that we will eat all this while he's home. Besides some of it's non-perishable soups and stuff so if we don't eat it it will keep.

I know we won't eat it all and two weeks later I remind myself of his statement as I sadly throw away a pack of chicken that I didn't freeze because "we'll eat it tonight" yet tonight never came.

I had decided to pick my battles. And this was not a battle worth fighting.

I mean after eating stuff like this for 7 months who was I to tell him we didn't need 3 different types of salsa?

MRE

Marine Cooking On His Cook Stove he took with him

He lost nearly 30 pounds in those months so I figured let him buy extra groceries. Gotta fatten him up somehow.

The Grocery Store....... Just a Grocery Store or a Magic Place of Wonder? It's all in the eyes of the beholder.

Dealing With The After Effects

When I first saw Marine I knew that nothing had changed between us.

At the same time I was sure he had seen things that would have a lasting impact on him and his outlook on things.

It had been a long seven months apart.

If your reading this you've probably been there and understand.

Marine is one to downplay most things. He doesn't like attention and he doesn't dramatize. He is a cold hard facts kinda guy.

I knew not to ask questions. He would talk about it if and when he was ready.

It started slowly.

Little bits of information; insights into what the months had been like for him.

He tells me of one particular event in which a comrade was seriously injured.

The guy survived but lost both his legs.

I just listen, not really knowing what to say.

Weeks later we are out one night with friends. Marine, who normally doesn't drink much, has one to many drinks.

As I drive home he breaks down.

"I think about it every day," he says. "I can't help it. Each and everyday I replay that moment over."

I pull off and just hug him. Holding him in my arms and he mumbles.

He keeps apologizing.

I tell him not to. After all thats what significant others are for --- to share things, to be supportive, to listen and try to understand.

The moment last only a few minutes and then Marine pulled himself together asking that I not tell anybody and that we forget about it.

For the night I respect his wishes.

But the next morning without directly mentioning it I ask if he is ok.

He tells me his and thanks me for listening.

-------------------------------------------

Days pass and neither of us mention it again. But now when people ask him about Afghanistan I want to run up and throw my arms around him. To protect him. I know he thinks about it daily. The things he saw and the people that were lost. But he doesn't tell anybody about that.

His answer is always vague and tells only of positive things.

I am so proud of Marine. It is because of guys like him that we can rest in peace every night.

Thats my being sentimental of the day......

Semper Fi


(I know I'm vague but I feel like even being anonymous I still shouldn't share Marine's secrets ~~~ but I will say proudly that Marine is going to be receiving a special award in the future.)

Day 207 ~ The Perfect Outfit

I need help!!!

Help me figure out what to wear!!

Please go over to my Main Blog and help me decide what to wear for the big homecoming day!

Day 204

The call I had been waiting on finally came thru!!

The call telling me when Marine would be arriving home.

Needless to say I did a happy dance.................. around the whole office and if not for some self control I would have probably ran thru the streets waving my hands over my head yelling "HE'S COMING HOME".

Day 182

Hello September!! It's so good to see you!

Today has been a mix day of emotions. The news was released about a Marine killed that was in my Marine's company. My heart goes out to his family and friends.

He was only 20.

20.

Not even old enough to have legally bought a beer before he deployed.

20.

For some reason that just makes it all the more sad to me. His life hadn't even really started yet. And then it was cut short.

So close to homecoming.

Just makes you question and wonder why.

My good news of the day was that Marine was able to call twice. He was at a different base than normal. Not sure why and of course he couldn't say.

It was great to hear his voice. Great to know he's ok.

Another day down.

Prayers for the families who's hearts are breaking.

168

My welcome home sign came in the mail today!

It turned out wonderful and makes homecoming seem more real!

I couldn't decide what to say or what kind of picture to put on it.... I wanted a picture of me, Marine, and our dog but couldn't find one I liked. And I love this one of Marine and the dog and since thats our family I thought it was appropriate. I know he will like it :)

Thanks to BuildaSign.com ~ They do a fantastic job!!

Day 165

Still not sure of a definite homecoming date but they have let us know a "range" (very vague term) of when Marine may be returning home.

Homecoming.

This has become my favorite word in the English language. lol

I called today and booked a room. They fill up quick. I had to guess on the days but I can always change them if need be. And staying at the place on base that we stayed at before deployment is super cheap!! For seven days it is about the price of what two nights would be at a hotel. So you see why I wanted to be sure to book one.

Hopefully I did ok at guessing on the days {fingers crossed}.

Did I mention I ordered my homecoming sign?

Its simple. Nothing to embarrassing to Marine.

Now to just count the days.

Phone calls have been more frequent lately which has been great and a real morale boost for both Marine and myself.

So many things I would like to share but they are things that will have to wait until he returns. OSPEC -- gotta respect it :)

Day 159

Being a military significant other you learn to handle things on your own.

Paying the bills, getting the car fixed, making decisions.... the list could go on and on.

Its not always easy, but ask any military SO and I guarantee they would tell you they wouldn't trade it for anything.

Be thankful for family and friends.

Last night I had to go to the emergency room. Chest pains. Turns out I have some sort of inflammation in my chest. What caused it? Don't know. When will the pain go away? The couldn't really tell me that either.

Medicine and rest are what the doctor ordered. The medicine I can do. Rest is another thing entirely. I'm not good and laying around and just doing nothing. I'm much to active of a person.

I'm very thankful for my mom.

The repeat question of the night was wanting to know when my last period was and if I was pregnant. One conversation went something like this:

Nurse: "Are your pregnant?"

Me: "No."

Nurse: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Yes."

Nurse: "there is absolutely no way you could be pregnant."

Me: "None what-so-ever."

Nurse: "Your positive?"

Me: "My fiancée has been deployed almost six months."

Nurse writing on paper, "Ok definitely not pregnant."

Day 156

I know what a wonderful man my Marine is. He is kind, caring, selfless, generous.... just to name a few.

I attended a cookout today. A going away party for my little Army Brat brother - yes deployment seems to be a part of my life that I will be in for some time.

While at the cookout I was approached by a family friend who was a former teacher of Marine's. She said so many wonderful things about him.

Later that evening when spending time with family friends I am also told other stories about Marine and his youth. On days when I miss him its always nice to hear stories about him. Funny stories or serious stories. Doesn't matter if I've heard them a million times already. I love to hear them. It makes him feel closer.

I am so proud of the wonderful man I will marry May 2011.

Day 151

Tonight I packed my last care package.

Wow that sure is great to be able to say!!

Day 147

The end is in sight!

The word "homecoming" is actually being mentioned in emails and recordings from the Family Readiness officer. Such a simple word with such a powerful and emotional meaning.

The months have drug by but at the same time I have stayed so busy it seems they moved by rather quickly. So many things I wanted to have done before he gets home. I know I will never finish all the to-do-list in time. But I'm ok with that. Its only purpose really was to keep me busy and it has definitely done that!

As we prepare for homecoming some common concerns I hear circulating are, "what if he's changed?", "I've changed what if he doesn't like this new me?"

I can see where some may feel insecure. I know in the past few months I've changed. I've learned to step back and take a look at the big picture, something I always thought I was good at doing anyway but turns out that perhaps I wasn't. I've learned not to sweet the small stuff - and for a over-anal Virgo that has been quite difficult.

I'm sure Marine has changed to. I mean I can't even begin to imagine the things he has to do or things he has seen.

But at the end of the day he is still him and I am still me. Everything will be fine. Sure it will take some readjusting on both our parts, but that's normal I suppose.

Now to just keep staying busy so that the days will continue to pass quickly!

Day 138

I read the news way to much and research way to much on where Marine is at.

At least that journalism degree is coming in handy for something.

During this deployment I have made several wonderful new friends; all girlfriends/fiancées/wives of guys that with Marine. I have also learned that not all girls are nice and instead like to create drama. But that can be true in any situation where there is to much estrogen. lol

Marine's unit's satellite phone is broken but he was able to call a few days ago when he was at another base.

It's always so great to hear his voice. He has lost 20 pounds since he's been gone (and believe me he didn't have 20 pounds to lose). The weight-loss is due to wearing all that gear and walking around in the hot desert patrolling. Needless to say I plan on fatting him up, a mission that will start as soon as he steps foot of that bus.

So many other details I would like to say but they must wait till he returns home (OPSEC rules). So for now I am left alone with my rambling thoughts.

Still just taking it a day at a time. Counting down the days.

Another day down, another day closer.
 

Day 125

I miss you everyday.

Just some more than others.

That doesn't sound right.... but you know what I mean.

It be nice just to have a hug.

Such a beautiful summer day out! If you were here I'm sure we would have plans to go trail riding or fishing after work. Perfect day for either.

Not much longer and you will be home and we can get back to doing all those fun things together!

Stay safe, Love you!

Day 123 ~ Part 2

I almost forgot.........

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

I look forward to spending many more happy years together!

Day 123

Deployment sucks.

There I said it.

Silly, but its kinda nice just to say it out loud.

I'm so proud of you and the difference you are making and the positive impact you are having on others lives.

Yet at the same time I am ready for you to come home so that we can start on our life together.

I'm getting ready to order your homecoming banner. I know, I know --- it's a little early. But I want to make sure it gets here in time.

At the same time I'm almost afraid to order it. I'm afraid it might jinx us. I'm afraid to plan for the future to much till you get back. Once you get home I know everything will be ok. Till then I'm just taking things a day at a time.

I love you. Stay safe!

Day 122

Happy 4th of July!!!

I am proud of you each and everyday. Not all heroes wear capes..... mine wears camo and carries a gun. lol That should make you laugh.

Come home soon!

Next 4th we will be celebrating by cooking out and watching fireworks. I can't wait!

I'm so ready for time just to fly by and for you to be getting off that bus.

Day 120

What a wonderful, unexpected "date" night!

Being able to actually have time to talk about normal, everyday stuff was wonderful!! It made me miss you more. 

You have been gone 120 days and this was the first time I heard you say something negative. 

That part worried me a little. But I know that there is always negative stuff going on and that you just don't want to tell me because you don't want me to worry. I'm glad you told me. I worry anyway, no matter what you say.

I read to much anyway. I know to much information as it is without you telling me.

Continue to stay safe. 

I know your upset about somethings that are out of your control. And some people are just dishonest - plain and simple. What goes around comes around though. 

Just stay positive and you will be home before you know it. 

At least that's what I keep telling myself..................

Day 111

Today I had to make that hard decision that I really didn't want to. 

I had to put Harley to sleep.

I felt like I was not only loosing a pet but also a piece of you.

I hope you are safe and that I will be able to hear from you soon.

Day 110

Today was one of those days I wanted nothing more than to sit down and just cry.

I could not imagine having to go thru this with kids. I madly respect the ones that do it - I know it can't be easy. One of our fur kids is sick. And I am so lost as to what to do.

Do I keep trying to get Harley better, continue the weekly vet visits which we really can't afford?

Or do I put him to sleep?

It's not a decision I really want to make on my own. But I'm afraid its one I'm going to have to.

He was my going away gift from you though so I want to do everything to save him..... silly I know, but I feel if I loose him it's kinda like I'm loosing a piece of you.

Day 103

Its been awhile since I've posted here. Just not really sure how to handle all the different emotions that go along with deployment therefor I really don't know how to write about them.

There are high moments - such as when I get a phone call or a letter.

Then there are the low moments - after the initial high from a call has past and longing has set in. Or the normal everyday events that Marine misses out on that I so wish he could be here to experience with me.

Also I'm afraid to admit that some of the stuff I had read before deployment was right. After the first few months it does kinda get easier. You learn to adjust to life without the other person. You get set into a routine. I still miss Marine like crazy but I've learned to handle things on my own for the time being.

I'm still just ready for him to come home though. And pray continuously for his safety as well as the safety of the others.

Day 70

Mobile Units = Pure Bliss!!

Marine had a traveling mobile unit come to his FOB today. He explained to me that the mobile unit had phones the guys could use along with computers allowing him internet access for the first time in two months.

Today I received 3 phone calls and was able to Facebook chat online.

Great day!

Day 61

I got not one..... but two letters today!!!


Those sneaky bastards down at the post office.... yesterday was the only day I have not been to the post office since Marine deployed - so go figure that was the day they were delivered.
{ Just kidding post office employees, I  ♥ appreciate all of you! }


I opened my post office box this morning before work and I practically jumped for joy at the site of the familiar hand writing. 


Today is exactly two months down.

In away it seems like the time has flown by...... but on the other hand it seems like it has drug by slowly.

Either way I'm happy to have the two months behind us.

Day 60

The phone rings and the caller ID tells me it's you.

I answer the phone so happy to hear your voice.

Less than a minute has passed when you quickly say you have to go. Someone else needs to use the phone.

"I'll you back in 15 minutes....." You tell me, "I gotta go. Love you!"

And with that your gone.

My heart is tight in my chest as I wait for the 15 minutes to pass.............. and then 15 more................. but I know you will keep your word and sure enough after an hour has passed the phone rings again it's you. Full of apologies when in reality there is no need to apologize.

~~~~~~~~

It was great to hear from Marine and know that he is doing ok. I try to make him laugh by telling him funny stories from home. I ask the few questions I think I can and he answers telling me he has mailed me more letters and that he has received some of mine.

So good just to her his voice.

Day 58

I had a great time at the Bachelorette party last night!

The day started out a little rocky but despite the stormy day we had a great time. After a few beers the drunk dialer in me came out, one of those many times I long to text you or call you. So what do I do? I send a short and simple text to your phone..... that I know is turned off and in the night stand drawer at home. I love you - the message said. Even though you didn't get the message I'm sure you got the will power of mind sending it to you. :)

Stay safe. Another day down.

Day 56

Today was a good day on the deployment-emotional-roller-coaster. That's what I've decided these months are. Some days are easier than others and today was one of those days.

Maybe it was the sunny skis, maybe it was the promise of a fun weekend with the girls, or maybe it was the loving family we are so lucky to have. Or maybe it was just because it was Friday!

Either way, its another day down and another day closer.

Day 54

What they say about a watched pot never boiling. Yeah that same theory applies to my Blackberry as well. Stare at it to long and it will never ring.

I just knew last night would be the night you would call. I woke every hour on the hour it seemed. And just in case, in fear I had not heard my phone ring, I would press a button making the screen light up and verify that I had not missed your call. Sad? I know. I have so become that girl. Thanks, I blame you! lol

The alarm goes off this morning and still no call. I sigh but am determined its going to be a good day. The sun is shinning and its another day closer to you coming home.

I sit at work juggling multiple tasks when my phone vibrates. It was you. My heart leaps and a smile made its way across my face before I could even press the answer button and say hello.

Just hearing your voice thrilled me. Some could see deployment as tearing a relationship apart, but I see it as a strengthening time. I know its still early days but just hearing your voice made me fall in love with you all over again it seemed. I can't explain it. The excitement, the relief in knowing your safe, the love in your voice, etc.

Best 8 minutes of the day by far.

See I knew today was going to be a good day.☺

Day 53

The other girls are starting to get calls so I know you will be calling soon. I can't wait to hear your voice. I sleep lightly waiting and willing the phone to ring. But I know your safe and thats really all that matters; I know you will call when you can.

Lately I've been in such a downcast mood. Still adjusting I guess. Think it also has to do with the rainy days. Who feels bright and cheery when rain is pouring down outside? The good news though is that sunshine is in the forecast by midweek, hopefully that will help raise my spirits.

Day 51

I went out with the Girls last night. We had diner, then went to the pub afterward for drinks. I laughed. I had fun. But at the same time I felt almost guilty for having fun. It was nearly midnight here and I knew that a new day was dawning for you. I know you want me to have fun, to smile and to laugh. But it's hard to while knowing that your in the middle of conflict.

If you heard me say that, you would tell me that I'm silly. This I know. And I also know your right.

Which is a very hard thing for me to admit by the way.

Day 50

Dear Time, please feel free to start flying by.

Day 49

I wonder what you're doing. 

I wonder where you are.

I wonder what you are seeing on a day to day basis. 

I wonder if you are able to get any sleep.

I wonder if your getting enough to eat.

I wonder if the blisters on your feet have healed.

I wonder if all that your seeing is going to change the man I fell in love with.

I wonder if you have received any more of the packages I have sent.

I wonder if you have gotten my letters.

I wonder if you have had time to write me any more letters.

I wonder if you're are safe.

I wonder if you'll be able to call again soon.

It's been nearly two weeks since the last phone call. I tell myself that no news is good news; and I've repeated it so much that I actually believe it. 


I feel as if I have become two different people - the girl that smiles on the outside and acts as if everything is ok and the girl that comes home at night and wallows in the depression pool of worry. 


I try to stay positive and for the most part I do, but late night..... that's the hardest time of day. It's night time for me, but on the other side of the world I know that a new day is dawning for you. 


The Sand-Man no longer stops at my house. Perhaps he sees me as a lost cause.


When my eyelids grow to heavy and the darkness of sleep takes over, I sleep ever so lightly. More as if dozing than sleeping. One ear always turned listening for the phone to ring. 


Day 49 has come and gone; I simply pray that you are safe.