Day 56

Today was a good day on the deployment-emotional-roller-coaster. That's what I've decided these months are. Some days are easier than others and today was one of those days.

Maybe it was the sunny skis, maybe it was the promise of a fun weekend with the girls, or maybe it was the loving family we are so lucky to have. Or maybe it was just because it was Friday!

Either way, its another day down and another day closer.

Day 54

What they say about a watched pot never boiling. Yeah that same theory applies to my Blackberry as well. Stare at it to long and it will never ring.

I just knew last night would be the night you would call. I woke every hour on the hour it seemed. And just in case, in fear I had not heard my phone ring, I would press a button making the screen light up and verify that I had not missed your call. Sad? I know. I have so become that girl. Thanks, I blame you! lol

The alarm goes off this morning and still no call. I sigh but am determined its going to be a good day. The sun is shinning and its another day closer to you coming home.

I sit at work juggling multiple tasks when my phone vibrates. It was you. My heart leaps and a smile made its way across my face before I could even press the answer button and say hello.

Just hearing your voice thrilled me. Some could see deployment as tearing a relationship apart, but I see it as a strengthening time. I know its still early days but just hearing your voice made me fall in love with you all over again it seemed. I can't explain it. The excitement, the relief in knowing your safe, the love in your voice, etc.

Best 8 minutes of the day by far.

See I knew today was going to be a good day.☺

Day 53

The other girls are starting to get calls so I know you will be calling soon. I can't wait to hear your voice. I sleep lightly waiting and willing the phone to ring. But I know your safe and thats really all that matters; I know you will call when you can.

Lately I've been in such a downcast mood. Still adjusting I guess. Think it also has to do with the rainy days. Who feels bright and cheery when rain is pouring down outside? The good news though is that sunshine is in the forecast by midweek, hopefully that will help raise my spirits.

Day 51

I went out with the Girls last night. We had diner, then went to the pub afterward for drinks. I laughed. I had fun. But at the same time I felt almost guilty for having fun. It was nearly midnight here and I knew that a new day was dawning for you. I know you want me to have fun, to smile and to laugh. But it's hard to while knowing that your in the middle of conflict.

If you heard me say that, you would tell me that I'm silly. This I know. And I also know your right.

Which is a very hard thing for me to admit by the way.

Day 50

Dear Time, please feel free to start flying by.

Day 49

I wonder what you're doing. 

I wonder where you are.

I wonder what you are seeing on a day to day basis. 

I wonder if you are able to get any sleep.

I wonder if your getting enough to eat.

I wonder if the blisters on your feet have healed.

I wonder if all that your seeing is going to change the man I fell in love with.

I wonder if you have received any more of the packages I have sent.

I wonder if you have gotten my letters.

I wonder if you have had time to write me any more letters.

I wonder if you're are safe.

I wonder if you'll be able to call again soon.

It's been nearly two weeks since the last phone call. I tell myself that no news is good news; and I've repeated it so much that I actually believe it. 


I feel as if I have become two different people - the girl that smiles on the outside and acts as if everything is ok and the girl that comes home at night and wallows in the depression pool of worry. 


I try to stay positive and for the most part I do, but late night..... that's the hardest time of day. It's night time for me, but on the other side of the world I know that a new day is dawning for you. 


The Sand-Man no longer stops at my house. Perhaps he sees me as a lost cause.


When my eyelids grow to heavy and the darkness of sleep takes over, I sleep ever so lightly. More as if dozing than sleeping. One ear always turned listening for the phone to ring. 


Day 49 has come and gone; I simply pray that you are safe.